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Trigger warning!
Addiction to food, drugs, alcohol coupled with severe depression, anxiety, panic-attacks, massive debts, hospitalizations, heavily medicated, I wanted to end it. Thatβs been the struggle of my life for about 7 years.
Long story short, my wife left me on New Years Eve 2016/17. That new years my life ended. I hadnβt been a drinker for 33 years, but that night I bought a massive 3 litres of (I donβt even know what) and skulled it all on my balcony overlooking Australiaβs largest display of fireworks (Sydney) on my own, tears streaming down, wondering if I should just jump off my balcony.
At the time, I.R.D wanted around $250,000 from my business (Fat Burning Ninjas), and I was a mess, unable to even work, let alone pay quarter million dollars lol. So, the business went under.
I could no longer function due to major depression & anxiety. I remember hyperventilating in the bathroom, literally grasping onto the towel rail as if I was about to die because I couldn't breathe, trying so hard to calm myself down for like 2 hours, wishing for the pain to stop.
The physical symptoms were so intense it felt like something physically inside me was chewing away at my heart, and all I wanted was to rip it out with my bare hands. I would literally try to rip it out, and out of habit, to this day, I grab my chest and squeeze it with my hand every time I feel anxious or nervous about something.
I turned to food, drugs, alcohol, ciggys to cope. My entire life s
Only 2 years ago, I was an alcoholic. I honestly just found out (thanks to my future-wife helping me with my accounts) that I spent over $20,000 on alcohol alone in a year! No jokes, bro. I was depressed, fat, anxious, and had no hope for the future in terms of having a whΔnau, a happy marriage, and a career, lol.
I was eating cheese balls and bags of lollies for dinner. My lungs were wheezing because, for a time, I was smoking at least a pack of ciggies per day! Not to mention all the drugs I was hitting on the weekends.
Long story short, my wife left me a number of years ago, and I was suicidal, depressed, bi-polar, having true panic /anxiety attacks daily, needed to be medicated up to my eye balls! it's seriously taken me almost 7 years to climb out of that big black dark hole! π
It was only the love of my new wahine (fiance) Judy Graham soon to be Judy Rongonui, and our online health & fitness community called Fat Burning Ninjas that loved me and never judged me. They kept showing up for me daily and encouraged me to get my own ass up and make these changes. And here I am in front of you today, a brand new man.
I am almost 2 years alcohol-free! Ciggys are gone. I struggle with bouts of anxiety here and there, but that's because I am truly giving my heart and soul to loving and supporting other people on this same journey. π π
This is my honest, raw, true, humble, and vulnerable story. I have risen from the depths of darkness, and I am a living, breathing