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Most relationships are one bad temper away from permanently shattering. . And just as often, it has nothing to do with a clash of personality, values or opinions… it’s simply because the two people in that relationship don’t understand their style of attachment. . If one side of the relationship is ‘anxious’ attached and the other side is ‘avoidant’… that’s when the sparks start flying. And it is so, so exhausting to be trapped in that toxic rollercoaster. . Because that drama takes our focus and energy, leaving less for our kids or our career… or both. . That’s why knowing your attachment style (and your partners!) is so essential – if you’re each approaching the relationship from different angles, with different needs and different ways of communicating, toxicity is inevitable. . But once you understand what you’re bringing to a relationship, and what your partner is bringing, the result is true intimacy – you and your partner creating a safe and inspirational place to relax instead of a den of drama. . Find out what attachment style you have by taking the short quiz linked below – and use it to start building a more fulfilling relationship today! . https://drnima.com/lp/attachment-style-assessment/

WANTING LOVE, BUT KEEPING IT AT A DISTANCE? (Confessions of an “Avoidant” Attached) . Many of us have had the experience where we've deeply craved connection, but as soon as it happened— we either got bored or get freaked out, fearful we'll have expectations that will choke away our freedom..... . This happens constantly. . In all probability, that's a sign we have the attachment style called “Insecure Avoidant”. . And that’s nothing to be ashamed of. . I say it with the utmost empathy, because when we are avoidantly attached, we end up in the same hurtful patterns so often, leaving our partner feeling frustrated, alone, and abandoned…. . again and again… . And in their pain, that partner will often tell us how horrible we are…. . And either we'll be in denial of this, or after a while we might think there is something wrong with us. . Shame (“I’m a bad person”) starts to command our operating system. . We then either push the healthy attachments away (because we feel like we don’t deserve it) or we overlook them altogether and become attracted to the “safe” ones… . And by “safe” I mean . “Crazy enough that I’m never going to end up with this one… . I will NEVER to commit to this one… I already have an ‘out’ or ‘exit’ plan before we even begin… .. YES THIS ONE IS SAFE!! I THINK I’LL PLANT MY ROOTS HERE!” . (Facepalm) . For me it looked like a divorce, and a string of the EXACT SAME CO-DEPENDENT PATTERNS for 9 years .

"YOU NEVER LOVED ME" . This was the feedback given to me from every single woman I have ever dated (or married) in my life. . It’s taken me a while (and a f** ton of work) to muster up the courage to say... . They were all correct. . When I look at my wife and see the type of relationship that I have now, I know with certainty that I never really knew what love was before. . I THOUGHT I knew, but when I look now, it was all transactional. . I didn't know it at the time, but I had an “Insecure Avoidant” attachment style. . That means that I WANTED love… to connect, to express and receive affection… . But when I would get it— it would feel overwhelming and I couldn’t cope. . I would check out. . First sign of trouble I would run away. . Then the cat and mouse game began. . Push/pull dynamics. . Love and passion one day… . Escalation to massive conflict the next. . Constantly walking on eggshells. . For 10 years, working through this dance, . one divorce and several failed relationships later wondering if I’ll ever have a healthy connection that feels safe, . wondering if I’ll ever really find TRUE love… . I realized the biggest obstacle was myself. (Shocking. I know.) . But the big surprise for me wasn’t knowing that I was the obstacle. . It was the realization that I actually didn’t feel I DESERVED love. . After all, how could I — If I didn’t have it for myself? . “If they REALLY knew the real me— they wouldn’t truly love me.” . I thought